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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23306674">I’ve been the hardest to love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/markleesbabe/pseuds/markleesbabe'>markleesbabe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst?, M/M, Sad, idk what else to tag this is just sad lol</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 13:47:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>819</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23306674</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/markleesbabe/pseuds/markleesbabe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaebeom writes Bambam a letter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Im Jaebum | JB</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’ve been the hardest to love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from “Hardest to love” by The Weeknd.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Bambam<br/>
You see it. I know you do. I’m so painfully obvious with it, there’s absolutely no way you haven’t realized that this relationship is not the same as before. We don’t communicate anymore, and it’s my fault. Every morning I leave right before you wake up, and I get home when you’re already in a deep sleep. But you’re still trying, which makes doing this so much harder than it needs to be. </p><p>Bambam, when I first saw you, everyone and everything faded into nothingness, while my focus was solely on you, and how you ordered your coffee, a vainilla latte, with so much sugar i still wonder how you don’t have diabetes yet. I thought you ordered it with so much sugar since you’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met... and I still do. I felt so compelled to talk to you, my feet  taking me right next to you just to start talking about anything, because meeting you and talking to you were the only things my brain could process.</p><p>So, you actually listened and laughed at my jokes, even though they were terrible because of how nervous I was. You told me about yourself, about your cats, your friends, your family, I felt like I instantly knew everything about you.<br/>
We exchanged numbers and texted every day, we sent each other memes, asked about our day, anything just to keep talking. We went on the most romantic dates, you were always so romantic and extravagant, for the lack of a better word, but by far my favorite date is the amusement park one, but if I reminisce about it, this letter would never end. I made sure to text you right before you fell asleep and before you woke up, just so you could think about me the whole day.</p><p>Until those texts just... stopped.</p><p>I’m still not sure what happened, how the fireworks inside of me everytime i looked at you just faded. I’m still asking myself that question, but I can’t answer it. Believe me when I tell you it’s not your fault, Bambam, it’s all on me, because I know how much this relationship means to you, but it hurts so much to say that I don’t feel the same anymore. It’s taken weeks to wrap my head around it, but I don´t feel the spark, it’s just gone. So, I started distancing myself, I admit it was not the smartest idea, but I’m too much of a coward to look at your beautiful face while I break your heart.</p><p>You still act the same, even though I barely respond to yoour texts, take you out on dates, or even see you. Whenever I catch glimpses of you right before I leave our house (because to me it just doesn’t feel like a home) my mind keeps screaming at me to just stop this nonsense, but I couldn’t stop. not until today. and I can’t even be brave enough to do it face to face.</p><p>It was selfish of me. it was oh so selfish of me to keep you trapped in this illusion. And I’ll never forgive myself for it. If I could turn back time and see what happened, where I went wrong, I would, with no hesitation, but this is the only choice I have. I’ll never forget you, how could I?, when you were my first real love, my first everything. and I sincerely hope you can find love and happiness, but they’re not with me, not anymore. Don’t look for me, please, I still care about you so much, and I can’t stand the thought of you suffering, but I felt like I was... drowning, in a way. </p><p>Drowning in my misery, drowning in this house, drowning.</p><p>I know you will find peace, even though you think otherwise, you WILL get over me, I know you’ll find someone so much better than me, someone who can actually appreciate and cherish you. </p><p>I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.<br/>
I know it doesn’t solve anything, but I’m so sorry.</p><p>Jaebeom”</p><p> </p><p>Bambam really thought it was a joke at first. I mean, who could blame him for thinking that his boyfriend of three years breaking up with him over a letter left on the kitchen counter was a joke? </p><p>But when he called Jaebeom’s name and got no answer, even going as far as to look around the house, the tears wouldn’t stop coming. Bambam felt his world falling apart over this letter, the same way he fell to his knees in the middle of the living room, feeling so much, but at the same time, feeling nothing. </p><p>He felt worthless, felt like he wasn’t meant to be loved, since it seemed like a common theme with his parters to leave. And he knew he’d never trust someone that way. Not for a very, very long time at least.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>... i don’t know why that was sad, i guess the weeknd just has me in my feelings lol, bambam sweetie i’m so sorry ily😔💞<br/>this is my first story in a WHILE,<br/>so i hope it wasn’t too trash jjfnajdjsn, i really hope you enjoyed reading this, and if you’re into the bbam agenda and love got7 feel free to follow me on twt @angelsbeom (i’m also a multi but shhh🤫 NNFJWJDND)<br/>thank you so much for reading! it means a lot!🥺💞</p></blockquote></div></div>
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